you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
