Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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