absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
