I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
