your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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