those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
