I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
