Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
