If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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