perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
