You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
