my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
