3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
