you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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