Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
