The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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