we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
