Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
