I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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