I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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