The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
