Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
