I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
