Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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