ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
