I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
