I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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