He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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