hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
