Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
