My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
