white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you had me at cake vodka
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
