It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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