Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
