I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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