Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
