he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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