It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
