My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
