I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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