It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
