I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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