it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
