i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
