Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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