Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
