It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
