Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
