Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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