i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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